(i started this post last thursday, and it feels a little stale, but here goes)
so i've done a little more reading, and some meandering...
what i appreciate about your communiques, catherine, is that they're so grounded in every day life, and they prodded me (gently) to share with you the things from my own life that touch on lust (or lick it).
i've been singing with billie holiday a lot, and i wanted to mention this. the two songs i've been singing most are "Me, Myself and I" and "Fooling Myself". The words to "Fooling Myself" are:
I tell myself I'm through with love
and i'll have nothing more to do with love
I stay away
but everyday
I'm just fooling myself
I tell my friends that I don't care
I shrug my shoulders at the whole affair
but they all know
it isn't so
I'm just fooling myself
And everyday I pass
and see myself in the looking glass
I tip my hat and say
how do you do you fool?
you're throwing your life away
I'm acting gay
I'm acting proud
and every time I see you in a crowd
I may pretend
but in the end
I'm just fooling myself.
I love singing with billie. and her singing has far more interesting stories to tell me about lust than most of the books i've peeked at lately. when i sing with her i always feel like i'm flirting with life. and this particular song... god knows i've spent enough years pretending i wasn't consumed with desire, convincing myself i had no need for it - denying desire as a sign of strength... that's so common, no? i catered an upscale fundraiser last night (good money, catering is) and all the women were immaculately dressed, but their jaws were locked tight the whole night. there was a man and a woman, models, who we dressed only in leaves - the 'live' decoration portraying adam and eve. they ate almost nothing all night, especially the man, supposedly out of fear of calories. or more likely, in fear of loosing control of their desire - because who knows what will happen then, right? what kind of monster might we become if we let ourselves follow our desire freely?
the theme of the whole event was healthy eating, and the poor sods, who paid at least a thousand dollars for their plate, were offered only a piece of banana or a strawberry covered in unsweetened chocolate for desert. it was horrible. the chocolate was so dense and bitter it destroyed any sweetness the fruit might have. i had to stop myself from laughing out loud each time i saw their lusty expressions at the sight of chocolate turn nasty and their saliva dry up with their first bite. at one point i took to warning them, but most of the victims were already salivating at the sight of chocolate and could not or would not stop themselves until it was too late. and yet the bitter bitter taste supposedly gave them the pleasure knowing they were "good" tonight because they ate "healthy", health being a sign of proximity to god among wealthy americans.
(a reminder to write about antonio damasio's definition of desire, and about recent readings about the marriage of capitalism and excess)
the essay i read in the "wicked pleasures" book about lust has a lot to say about how necessary lust is for life. it was written by william h. gass, who sticks pretty strictly to the concept of lust as carnal pleasure. our own definition of luxuria, at least the one we started off with, is a little more encompassing than physical lust, but that's an interesting point to consider: what are we referring to when we think of "lust"? (now writing in retrospect, i'm pretty clear about the fact that i'm not thinking of "lust" only as carnal desire.) anyways, gass is convinced that lust deep down is a virtue, and i agree with him most when i'm singing with billie holiday.
The aim of lust's enemies, claims gass, is to deny it its satisfactions, and in doing so to exacerbate, strengthen and multiply it. but isn't this just a variation of freud and the rhetoric of repressed desires? i think it's a lackluster interpretation of the sins, at least on its own...
so here are two other quotes that i found interesting:
"Of course when lust must go about in black clothes and seek other outlets for its energies, in power and privilege mostly, or ally itself with pain and pursue its infliction, or substitute shopping or golf for its goals, growing moist only at the mention of money, getting hard at the prospect of rape or war, then lust will be called "lust" and be regarded with loathing and fear, and lust will be said to be selfish and interested in its own satisfactions and sexual organs will be places where favors are sold and money is made, not where joy is experienced; then lust will have to seek permission for its satisfaction by obtaining a license to drive from the State, permission to mate from the Church, and approval from Family, Friends, and Credit Card Companies, but only to make babies and go into long-term debt."
"Lust is present in any desire that has a strong sensuous component because lust rises from form and color, and moves closer for odors to count, and then for taste and touch to fulfill it, for it's not orgasm lust lusts for, bu the juice of the orange squelching between the teeth, the touch of an inner thigh that transforms the palm, the smell of stew in a winter pot, snowflakes melting on glowing cheeks, wine rinsed meditatively in the mouth, the sound of an ah! after a lon in-drawn breath."
he's a verbose fellow, that mr. gass. and i've written quite enough too, so goodnight for now.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
sickness
well done Ophra for setting it up, very sexy too...
The two vices for every virtue -yes I have been observing this in the everyday interactions with people - the English politenes and niceties are so prevelant over here nobody dares to express their true feelings of maybe anger, frustration, a bit of darkness - "how are you.... everythings fine..." It really is true. I have observed it in my middle class friends and even in my self - we all want to be 'nice' 'good' people, not rocking the boat emotionally, appearing virtous but secretly there is alot of selfishness, self preservation, fear. Everyone is in control of themselves making sure that everything is functional, appearing well. Therefore this control itself creates alot of vices as there is deceit along the way. The shamans have described western society as a 'sick' one, out of balance - the white man has greed in his eyes and fear in his skin. Yes we all want to escape, better ourselves, get out of the shit, become holy in some way or other.
the website is www.nothingness.org sorry got it wrong....
catx
The two vices for every virtue -yes I have been observing this in the everyday interactions with people - the English politenes and niceties are so prevelant over here nobody dares to express their true feelings of maybe anger, frustration, a bit of darkness - "how are you.... everythings fine..." It really is true. I have observed it in my middle class friends and even in my self - we all want to be 'nice' 'good' people, not rocking the boat emotionally, appearing virtous but secretly there is alot of selfishness, self preservation, fear. Everyone is in control of themselves making sure that everything is functional, appearing well. Therefore this control itself creates alot of vices as there is deceit along the way. The shamans have described western society as a 'sick' one, out of balance - the white man has greed in his eyes and fear in his skin. Yes we all want to escape, better ourselves, get out of the shit, become holy in some way or other.
the website is www.nothingness.org sorry got it wrong....
catx
a bit of background on the sins
So, I've just started reading a book called Wicked Pleasures: Meditations on the Seven "Deadly" Sins by Robert C. Solomon. Robert writes the introduction, in which he basically finds our beloved sins to be "the very stuff of life, the hot, puffy, humiliating, pathetic, but essential ingredients in that human comedy..." as opposed to "humorless, self-righteous" virtues. Here are a few ideas I found interesting:
Aristotle's "Doctrine of the Mean" claims that vices are both excesses and deficiencies of a certain quality, so for every virtue there are two vices.
The difference between vice and sin is that vice is only vice to the extent that it manifests itself publicly, but with sins its the thought that counts - sin is of the soul first and foremost, and only secondarily of behavior.
Robert Solomon thinks that Nietzsche's "God is Dead" proclamation is in part to declare the banality of an all seeing god who is actually interested in all our silly sins. So I guess it's a good question to ask, living in a society that hovers between absolute godlessness and religious fanaticism - who cares about sins? and what do I really care about when looking at the sins? I think Catherine's direction of "survivalism" and poverty and suffering in the face of extravagance is an interesting one.
Here's something Solomon sites H.L. Mencken as saying: "What motivates our interest in sin is 'the worry that someone, somewhere might be having a good time.'"
And here's a bit about control and letting go of it, a tid bit to muse about when considering our lives as artists, Cath: "'Control yourself.' How much of the language of sin and vice reflects the need to control, the need to take control, a kind of hysteria, 'the control freak'? But where is the willingness to take a chance, to let ourselves go? Indeed the very phrase 'to let oneself go' is an accusation of vice, a suggestion of sloth and the implication of gluttony, greed, and however many other unnamed sins of omission and excess. Even our risks are tightly controlled, but 'letting ourselves go' is also the way to creativity, adventure and self-discovery."
Aristotle's "Doctrine of the Mean" claims that vices are both excesses and deficiencies of a certain quality, so for every virtue there are two vices.
The difference between vice and sin is that vice is only vice to the extent that it manifests itself publicly, but with sins its the thought that counts - sin is of the soul first and foremost, and only secondarily of behavior.
Robert Solomon thinks that Nietzsche's "God is Dead" proclamation is in part to declare the banality of an all seeing god who is actually interested in all our silly sins. So I guess it's a good question to ask, living in a society that hovers between absolute godlessness and religious fanaticism - who cares about sins? and what do I really care about when looking at the sins? I think Catherine's direction of "survivalism" and poverty and suffering in the face of extravagance is an interesting one.
Here's something Solomon sites H.L. Mencken as saying: "What motivates our interest in sin is 'the worry that someone, somewhere might be having a good time.'"
And here's a bit about control and letting go of it, a tid bit to muse about when considering our lives as artists, Cath: "'Control yourself.' How much of the language of sin and vice reflects the need to control, the need to take control, a kind of hysteria, 'the control freak'? But where is the willingness to take a chance, to let ourselves go? Indeed the very phrase 'to let oneself go' is an accusation of vice, a suggestion of sloth and the implication of gluttony, greed, and however many other unnamed sins of omission and excess. Even our risks are tightly controlled, but 'letting ourselves go' is also the way to creativity, adventure and self-discovery."
Just Today (survivalism)
Catherine wrote me back soon after my "wisps of thoughts" email, and we decided to start off with the first sin on the list, Luxuria (extravagance, later lust). Almost two weeks have passed since my first email, and I finally got my act together and managed to create a blog (after several failed attempts to make one on my own website).
Catherine wrote today, with this to say:
HI there what about myspace.com? I know people have blogs posted on there, I wonder if that would work?? I think its quite easy to set up an account- it is free and everything.... let me know what you think.... I thought maybe luxuria was not a good thing to start with but on second thought I think it is good. I have been interested in this whole realm of survivalism, the economy of peoples lives, the huge percentage of population who are only just surviving, not being able to eat, doing shit jobs, the level of life and then in realtion to that the middle class luxury of art, leisure, dreams. I suppose it is quite personal as i am an aspiring middle class 'artist' yet I come from a background of poverty, disfunction, idealism but having to face grim realities... Where does art fit into all of this when people are starving??? I have been looking at anarchistic manifestos - www.nothingness.com (i think) .
The class system is so massive in this country it is so fucked up and yet there is this false belief that we are living in a classless society, it couldn't be further away from the truth... You just have to look at the theatre and performance scene in this country, the people involved in it, the audiences, I am sure you know what I am talking about.
I have recently been cleaning for cash in two pubs and it has really made me look at all of these things. I have literally been scraping shit off of toilets every day and well its not pleasant and there are some people that have to do that kind of thing everyday - immigrants etc. The difference in the way peole live there lives are huge - the gap between rich and poor. Anyway luxuria I think could be interesting....
Hope you are ok over there and enjoying your new apartment....
love catx
Catherine wrote today, with this to say:
HI there what about myspace.com? I know people have blogs posted on there, I wonder if that would work?? I think its quite easy to set up an account- it is free and everything.... let me know what you think.... I thought maybe luxuria was not a good thing to start with but on second thought I think it is good. I have been interested in this whole realm of survivalism, the economy of peoples lives, the huge percentage of population who are only just surviving, not being able to eat, doing shit jobs, the level of life and then in realtion to that the middle class luxury of art, leisure, dreams. I suppose it is quite personal as i am an aspiring middle class 'artist' yet I come from a background of poverty, disfunction, idealism but having to face grim realities... Where does art fit into all of this when people are starving??? I have been looking at anarchistic manifestos - www.nothingness.com (i think) .
The class system is so massive in this country it is so fucked up and yet there is this false belief that we are living in a classless society, it couldn't be further away from the truth... You just have to look at the theatre and performance scene in this country, the people involved in it, the audiences, I am sure you know what I am talking about.
I have recently been cleaning for cash in two pubs and it has really made me look at all of these things. I have literally been scraping shit off of toilets every day and well its not pleasant and there are some people that have to do that kind of thing everyday - immigrants etc. The difference in the way peole live there lives are huge - the gap between rich and poor. Anyway luxuria I think could be interesting....
Hope you are ok over there and enjoying your new apartment....
love catx
"wisps of thought"
This first post is in fact a little meander backwards, to the email that got us started on this line of inquiry. I wrote it on April 25...
hi catherine,
been thinking about you lately, about our project. i'm just back in brooklyn now - i got back from israel about a week and a half ago, where i ended up somewhat unexpectedly just two weeks after coming back from toronto. i guess i needed to see my family and visit familiar places to help ground me after a very intense year.
i gave myself some time to ease into work and the nyc rhythm, as much ease as the city will allow, anyway, which means that i've had a little time to do some dreaming. i started thinking about our project while i was in israel, really just realizing that what we should do is choose some line of inquiry, even if it changes a few times at first, and start researching and working on ideas on our respective ends of the atlantic. i could set up a blog for us, where we could post updates, ideas, photos, whatever, and as far as i'm concerned, the blog would already be a part of the creature we are creating.
as for lines of inquiry, i'm throwing this out just as a suggestion, a starting point which i think is open enough to lead to all kinds of things...
i found myself thinking about the seven deadly sins - Luxuria (extravagance, later lust), Gula (gluttony), Avaritia (greed), Acedia (sloth), Ira (wrath), Invidia (envy), and Superbia (pride) (that's a little cut and paste from wikipedia, excuse the laziness). Living in New York they are very much in my face, but being around my mother and her six sisters in Israel is really what brought them to the front of my mind - seven sisters, seven crazy personalities...
I've been reading a book called "The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep", really just started to get into it, and the author mentions the Eastern equivalent of these deadly sins, which manifest as six negative emotions relating to what he calls "The Six Realms of Cyclic Experience" : anger, greed, ignorance, jealousy, pride and pleasurable distraction. The six realms to which they relate, in the same order, are the realms of hell-beings, hungry ghosts, animals, humans, demi-gods, and gods. The language is so colorful, and its really amazing to think of people I know as being stuck in the realm of hungry ghosts or of behaving as if they were demi-gods.
I'm not trying to pitch this theme too hard - i'm very open to other things right now - but on the level of practicality, it also occurred to me that it's a theme that is easier than others to write grants for, get institutional support and generate some kind of interest just because it is a classical theme which artists are expected to deal with.
I'm not at all interested in a classical, formal treatment of this or any other issue. It's really just a starting point, something to focus us in and lead us towards the interesting things. the other advantage to the theme is that we could work with it in "chapters" - deal with one or a few sins at a time, and not all at once.
when i dream about it, i see both an installation and a performance aspect to it. and i'd like to have at least some elements that are "site specific" - something that would be shaped by the place and context in which the performance was taking place. i guess i'd really like for it to be something that ends up taking us to all kinds of interesting places.
so, maybe that's more than a wisp, perhaps a small smoke stack, but i've been talking to you about it in my head for a few days now, and I wanted to get it out to you. let me know what you think when you get a chance, and i'll start looking into setting a blog up - it would be good for me to figure that out.
love, o
hi catherine,
been thinking about you lately, about our project. i'm just back in brooklyn now - i got back from israel about a week and a half ago, where i ended up somewhat unexpectedly just two weeks after coming back from toronto. i guess i needed to see my family and visit familiar places to help ground me after a very intense year.
i gave myself some time to ease into work and the nyc rhythm, as much ease as the city will allow, anyway, which means that i've had a little time to do some dreaming. i started thinking about our project while i was in israel, really just realizing that what we should do is choose some line of inquiry, even if it changes a few times at first, and start researching and working on ideas on our respective ends of the atlantic. i could set up a blog for us, where we could post updates, ideas, photos, whatever, and as far as i'm concerned, the blog would already be a part of the creature we are creating.
as for lines of inquiry, i'm throwing this out just as a suggestion, a starting point which i think is open enough to lead to all kinds of things...
i found myself thinking about the seven deadly sins - Luxuria (extravagance, later lust), Gula (gluttony), Avaritia (greed), Acedia (sloth), Ira (wrath), Invidia (envy), and Superbia (pride) (that's a little cut and paste from wikipedia, excuse the laziness). Living in New York they are very much in my face, but being around my mother and her six sisters in Israel is really what brought them to the front of my mind - seven sisters, seven crazy personalities...
I've been reading a book called "The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep", really just started to get into it, and the author mentions the Eastern equivalent of these deadly sins, which manifest as six negative emotions relating to what he calls "The Six Realms of Cyclic Experience" : anger, greed, ignorance, jealousy, pride and pleasurable distraction. The six realms to which they relate, in the same order, are the realms of hell-beings, hungry ghosts, animals, humans, demi-gods, and gods. The language is so colorful, and its really amazing to think of people I know as being stuck in the realm of hungry ghosts or of behaving as if they were demi-gods.
I'm not trying to pitch this theme too hard - i'm very open to other things right now - but on the level of practicality, it also occurred to me that it's a theme that is easier than others to write grants for, get institutional support and generate some kind of interest just because it is a classical theme which artists are expected to deal with.
I'm not at all interested in a classical, formal treatment of this or any other issue. It's really just a starting point, something to focus us in and lead us towards the interesting things. the other advantage to the theme is that we could work with it in "chapters" - deal with one or a few sins at a time, and not all at once.
when i dream about it, i see both an installation and a performance aspect to it. and i'd like to have at least some elements that are "site specific" - something that would be shaped by the place and context in which the performance was taking place. i guess i'd really like for it to be something that ends up taking us to all kinds of interesting places.
so, maybe that's more than a wisp, perhaps a small smoke stack, but i've been talking to you about it in my head for a few days now, and I wanted to get it out to you. let me know what you think when you get a chance, and i'll start looking into setting a blog up - it would be good for me to figure that out.
love, o
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